Are you also in a love-hate relationship with the city you are living in?
It might all appear as seen through a pink filter at the beginning, when you are still fresh in town, but as the staying continues, you may as well discover some aspects that you are not particularly fond of.
Thinking back, to the way I was perceiving Amsterdam in my first year of living here, I can tell you it felt overwhelming – in a positive way – with a lot of new things to learn, places to discover, in other words, with a lot of experiences waiting in the line. I was impressed by the relaxed attitude of the Dutch, their smiling nature, and the city itself presented to me in a very good light: beautiful and cosy houses, clean, safe, peaceful… you name it! There was absolutely nothing I was missing here.
In my second year, although I had completed my learning period (Dutch language, mentality, lifestyle etc.) and I had seen most of the city during my street photo sessions, I still felt it was a lot left to discover. It was the year of new friendships and of discovering my favourite spots in the city, the ones I was always going to return to. It`s also when I moved from my former apartment to a more central part of the city. I was finally living in a house facing a canal – another dream come true.
However, on my third year, I`ve started to feel a bit different about the beautiful city of Amsterdam. Whereas before, whenever returning from a trip abroad, I used to feel privileged I was living here, lately I found myself several times thinking, during my trips: “I could live here for a year or so…” (Paris) and “I could definitely live here! (London, Berlin).
Has the expat drama finally reached me? The one that says that, once you lived somewhere abroad – anywhere – you can never settle for just one place again, as you now feel that home can be anywhere? Could be.
But what I think it`s happening is the pressure to make a decision. Just like in a relationship between two people, in the relationship between a person and the city he/she lives in, there comes a time when one simply needs to ask him/herself these questions: Should I stay or should I go? What do I get reported to what I am missing? This is the stage that only comes after you had plenty of time to taste both the highs and the lows, when the picture is very clear, in black and white rather than in distracting colours. And this is where I find myself right now.
Applying a black and white filter to Amsterdam, I can immediately see a very long list of whites and a very short one of blacks. But it normally happens that a single annoying thing weighs more than three good ones.
On my white list: gorgeous architecture, cozy apartments, city made of bricks (from the bricks on the facades of the houses to those covering the ground on streets and sidewalks), compact (easy to go from one place to the other, even on foot), governed by logic and functionality, good transportation network (within the city, but also between Amsterdam and elsewhere), clean, safe, the waterfront and the canals etc.
On my black list: the uniformity / lack of diversity (a street, a canal, a bar may look very similar to lots of other streets, canals and bars), the small size of the city which – despite its real advantages – makes it impossible for Amsterdam to have the grandeur of a metropolis (think of the big boulevards of Paris, for example) and lastly but definitely not least – the practicality and pragmatism which sometimes kill the fun, the creativity and the sense of elegance (this applies to everything, from attitude to fashion).
It`s crystal clear that Amsterdam, just like any other city in the Netherlands, says a big NO to nonsense. Everything has to be simple, clear, concise and, most important of all, it must function. To enchant, to trigger admiration? Not necessarily. To raise questions? God forbid!
This is the way I am seeing Amsterdam lately (I think it is a pretty realistic image) and this is the love-hate relationship we`re in! Am I the only one in this situation?
You might also like
11 Comments
There are whites and blacks on the list for every place you\’ll choose. The important thing it\’s that the white list is (still) the longest one.
I, for one, prefer to live in a small and quiet place like Amsterdam and just go in the big metropolis for a visit – at least for now 🙂
One thing I know for sure: it`s pretty hard only to think about leaving Amsterdam, let alone doing it. Maybe the answer is to travel some more in the meantime and have longer stays. I am pretty sure a week in Amsterdam is just as idyllic to a traveller as a week in Paris is for me. 🙂
Well put and, no, you are not the only one in this situation and, yes, once you have been an expat it is difficult to settle in one place. At least that is how it has been for me. I love each place that we go and I rush around to my favorite places and catch up with friends, reaquaint myself with all that I missed while away. But at the end of our time my feet are anxious for the next city and, fortuantely, my hellos balance all my goodbyes.
Your description of the Dutch and Amsterdam brings a smile to my face. I can\’t wait to be back in the city for all the things on your white list.
Thanks for this post. It was most interesting.
Good to hear it made you smile and anxious to return! The white list is actually longer than what I wrote, as you might have guessed. 🙂
I believe you were the only person I know who could say \”I cannot live anywhere else but here!\” (hey, it\’s still in the About section of the blog!) Reality is that Amsterdam is very nice, but there are many nice places around and there are only a few things that make this one unique (I believe from your list of good things maybe only the canals are unique to Amsterdam, while nice architecture or good public transport are pretty much a given in most European capitals).
There are very few reasons one would find this as the ultimate destination, being Dutch or meeting the love of your life in the shape of a local are two reasons I can think of. Otherwise we can all see ourselves as temporary residents and look at the bright side that every time you change your entire environment you\’re forcing yourself to keep an open mind and adapt to change which are very good skills to have.
I cannot live anywhere else yet, that stays true! 🙂 But I have started to imagine this, to think about it and put in a balance the pluses and the minuses of city X compared to Amsterdam. Being a temporary resident for the rest of my life is not something I`m looking forward to though! :))
I so much recognise this! I used to live in Brussels before, and after three years \”the black part\” really hit me. And I did not go back home – I moved on to Paris instead. So far so good, but it\’s only been a bit over a year. I still really want to stay here but you will have to ask me again when I\’m at the 3-year limit!
I hope you will be able to get a deeper appreciation of the place you live, beside the annoying side. As for me, I don\’t think I can move places my entire life 😉
As for your description of the Dutch mentality, I very much agree and that\’s one of the reasons I left! 🙂
Three year is the limit, indeed! I cannot imagine myself returning home just yet – although I have learnt to appreciate it better while away – BUT I do imagine myself living for a while in London, Paris and Berlin. It`s quite tough as, while I do need to live in a safe, well organized place (Amsterdam, London, Berlin), I also need some elements of \”la joie de vivre\” / \”la bella vita\”, that you can only find in more romantic / chaotic cities, such as Paris, Rome, Lisbon etc. It really is tough!! :)) I hope you will enjoy Paris for some more, it really is a terrific place to live – at least that`s how I see it from my couch here in Amsterdam! 😛
Wow..I so much recognize this also…
After 3 years I have become very critical about Amsterdam 😉 and ended in the \’\’should i stay or should i go\’\’ situation…
Its clear that the highs of my first year in Amsterdam will never be topped…
.
[…] Winter`s evening, I remembered – with a feeling of guilt – the moments when I had been complaining about Amsterdam, for one reason or another. Those reasons simply did not make sense to me […]
[…] fourth year in Amsterdam proved to be the most difficult one as an expat, but also one of the most productive years I`ve ever […]