These days I feel totally uninspired. I am bored with my photos and writing. I spend my time doing nothing as if, maybe, I am waiting for something to happen. If I manage to meet a friend, read a few pages, or watch a movie, that is already an accomplishment. Most of the times, I am just not in the mood. And in all honesty, I would have no problem with doing nothing if it weren’t for this torturing feeling of guilt I get whenever I feel that am wasting time. If I were to make one wish right now for the rest of my life, that would be to stop feeling guilty for being inactive. Since when do I need to produce anything anyway? I could just go to work, cook dinner and watch television when back home, meet friends for drinks and brunches, plan a few travels every now and then. Wouldn’t that be enough? Turns out, it is not. Not for me. I need to make something out of nothing, no matter how big the effort and how mediocre the result. I really seem to have no peace otherwise.
With more or less these thoughts in my head, I walked the streets of the city this Sunday afternoon, trying to convince myself that yes, it is nice to simply be walking and not doing anything else at all. Except for taking some photos…
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3 Comments
I’ve had similar before. I know that feeling of guilty well. Over time I learned to accept it and that helped me get out of my writing slump as well as stopped feeling guilty about it when it happens. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen any more but I’ve learned how to deal with it better than I used to. I hope you feel better soon.
Indeed, it comes and goes. Wine helps in the meantime! 🙂 Thanks!
Same here. The times in my life when I felt the most miserable were the ones in which I had no creative project going on. It was excruciating, really. Like you, I wish I didn’t feel guilty, though. Guilt is such a harmful feeling and it seems to imply that we are only good enough when we’re producing which is, in itself, a mindfuck (and the most horrible of capitalistic tales). The compassionate approach seems to work the best, as Stuart noted. We all need a time of recharging so I guess this phase of yours is not only logic but also healthy.